Yes, Alhamdulillah I am Pregnant with blessing number 4 Insha'Allah.
I am now 39+3 weeks and here I am again, whilst trying to relax and prepare myself for the birth I thought I would rejuvenate this special, calm space of mine to help me get through these next few weeks and beyond.
It has been a long, hard 9 months. Some people say Pregnancy, house moves and weddings are of the most stressful things in life. Well through this pregnancy we've had another house move, a family wedding and everything else!!!
Alhamdulillah we got through.
Ramadhan came and went and I was sick and depressed throughout most of it - but masha'allah hubby and kids did really well managing without me. The girls have been very patient and tried to get on with things. They have become very independent in their learning and in day to day life.
Obviously there's things that need to be directed and as a result of that a lot has been neglected but they really surprise me when they will just pick up maths books one day and teach themselves, another day Nur will be reading away and enjoying it and Rahmah pretty much organises her own timetable with the activities she wants to do - and of course plenty of breaks!!! My little Fifi has also grown so much and has learnt a lot from her sisters - she loves doing her numbers work and is beginning to get to grips with the alphabet and phonics.
Rahmah and Nur are also a lot more confident in the kitchen now - Nur especially has no problems with cups of tea, coffee and hot chocolate. She loves to fry eggs for breakfast and yesterday she insisted in making the parathas even though she got quite hot whilst doing it. It was lovely when she said to me "mum you sit down, you've got a baby inside you and you need to rest. let me do the cooking"!!! I keep telling hubby that if anything were to happen to me she will be the "umm al Abi", mother of her father, just like the Prophet (saw)'s daughter Faatimah (ra) came to be known when she looked after her father after Khadijah (ra) passed away.
9 Months is quite a long time, especially for children and we've had to learn to be patient, all of us. These last few weeks are proving to be pretty hard, not just because they're the last few weeks but I've had an added stress related to sorting out my plans for home birth. Just waiting around and then waiting some more for things to happen. I had a hospital appointment the other week and we all had to go - it was really hard on the girls just sitting around in those waiting rooms for over an hour before I could be seen.
Social media means I've been in touch with other pregnant mothers, many who are also due around the same time as me. It's been interesting talking to each other about our experiences and sharing tips etc. I have learnt of all the 'old wives tales' of how to speed things up and bring labour on etc. And yes....I have tried some of them - maybe not so much to speed things up but just to make me feel better that I'm doing something.
Ultimately I have been trying to reassure my sisters and myself that they need to relax, make duas and turn to Allah (swt). Our ajal - our lifespan has already been determined for us so when a new life will be born and when a life will come to an end has already been determined and fixed. Yet we are so impatient and erratic. In fact, on Wednesday I was so desperate to give birth that night - I scrubbed the kitchen clean and cooked a few dishes hoping for something to happen. Obviously I had made loads of duas as well. Thursday morning I woke up as usual a little disappointed as still nothing had happened But then I realised just how fickle us humans can be, because on Thursday I was in a total different frame of mind and realised it was probably best that nothing had happened on Wednesday.
Alhamdulillah Allah (swt) has blessed us with things which are beyond our control and we need not worry about. And Alhamdulillah again, that Allah swt has blessed us with the guidance of shariah for surely we are not capable of deciding by our limited minds and erratic emotions, what is best for us and when. And though we may not know it, feel it or even accept it at the time, Allah always knows what's best for us.
Pregnancy is a special time for a muslimah because Allah swt has placed many blessings and reward in it. And although yes it is difficult and society all around us encourages us to focus on our own selfish experience and sufferings and when it will come to a natural end, as muslimahs we need to be more patient, we must think of Allah swt and the akhirah.
A friend of mine shared a beautiful video with me the other day and Alhamdulillah it was just what was needed. I think I will watch this video during these last few days to calm me down when I get a bit impatient and share it with my other pregnant sisters as well.
